Slow heal

Vindicate my heart,

liberate the consciousness,

minds concept harnessed,

far from infancy,

I wish love would invite me,

sit with me, freely,

i dreamed truth was real,

nature denies the cold steel,

open wounds, slow heal.

Be Grateful

 Since I live with my mother, I have very few expenses to maintain. With no bills to pay and no major responsibilities I have a pretty easygoing life. Yet as I inch closer to 25, I am starting to realize that it is almost time for me to get my own place.  As much as I would like to leave the nest, I know financially I could not make it on my own without my mother. The expense of living nowadays has made me doubt and wonder, “When will I ever move out”? Or, “Will I be able to afford groceries or even keep up with my bills.” These are things that worry me so much, but yet if I never take the chance to live then how will I ever succeed. When it comes to leaving the nest it is a 50/50 outcome. You may on one hand succeed and never go back to the nest, or fail and have to move back in with your parents. For me personally I believe that you should be financially stable first before making any major moves. When I decide to leave the nest, I want to be absolutely sure. Yet for right now, the only expenses that I maintain are my necessities and keeping gas in my car. Though I may want to move out, I know that right now I am grateful. I can use this time to save up my money so when I do decide to move, I have some money to start out with. At the end of the day my advice is, if your parents are not rushing you to move out, then be grateful for the time that you have.

M!nd5R!ddl3

I see you everyday with your mind set, 

Pushing forward against the waves of life,

Persevering through those endless nights, don't you ever rest,

Do you really believe you'll accomplish those dreams,

And if you fail?

My fear holds no veil, mimicking frightened children who scream,

I am your worst critic, staring at the mirror, seeing you with demeanor focused....terrifies me.

Morning Glory

To rise like the sun in morning glory, is my dream,

To lay with peace at my times end, will be my farewell,

My soul will forever be in your memories,

Showing that I have hurt, but I also helped,

When your heart beat feared it would cease,

Words I spoke healed, like a loving mothers smile,

It means the world to me to see you happy, in life, just this little while.

Lies My Drunk Self Told Me

During the last week of 2014, my friends and I decided to stop drinking for 6 months to see what would happen. Its not that we are alcoholics, but we wanted to see if we could focus on other things. So as I sit here on a Friday night, I wrote down a list of lies my drunk self would of told me. All of these are truthful

Lies My Drunk Self Told Me

1.You are the best dancer here, keep it up!
2.Bachata anyone can learn that.
3.You are way to sober to do that, let me get another round.
4. Maybe if you text or call the girl you like she’ll appreciate it.
5. No fuck the maybe, she will love this
6. I am having the greatest time ever, let me get another beer.
7. Leave the tab open, you’re a baller
8. Flowers are tasty
9. Maybe if I have ice cream, I’ll be sober enough to function
10.Way to fool everyone your drunk.
11. You should be a comedian
12. You have musical talent
13. I can become a professional DJ, the DJ didn’t even let the beat drop
14. I can wake up and go hiking tomorrow at 8am
15. I haven’t had Dinner (You just came from having dinner)
16. Nobody saw me trip, they probably thought it was a cool dance move!
17. I won’t remember anything tomorrow.
18. This is the last time I drink this much
19. This will be worth the hangover
20. I wasn’t arguing with the taxi driver, I was just expressing my concerns.
21. Instagram pictures that way she gets jealous and people know I am having FUN!
22. So many haters out here.
23. She’s starring at me, looks like she wants to dance ;)
24. I am okay, I just need to eat
25. I am okay, I just need to wash my face in the restroom
26. Those restroom people at the club giving towels to dry my hands are cool.
27. Glowsticks make me even more awesome, I know what I am doing!
28. Twerking with your bro is totally acceptable, I mean we’ve been friends since the 6th grade.
29. Ain’t nobody fresher than my clique!
30. Big Sean wrote IDFWY after my recent heartache!
31 . I have the best signature when I am drunk.

Those are my 31 lies my drunk self told me, don't be afraid to share yours :)

Pathos

I saw him today, as I have never seen him before.
He was aged and weary, as though all the vibrant life I once knew him for 
Had been sucked clean from him.
He was hard to recognize;
Those eyes of his, once alive and argent,
Had all but lost their splendor.
And I was sure that had I checked him for a pulse,
I would not have found one.
He was a stranger now, although I swear I knew him once.
I may have even loved him then.
But what was once our verity was now lost.
Our affair was nowhere near salvageable,
And it was with a heavy heart that I realized this was so.

So there we were:
Face to face as we had never been,
Leastways not in some time.
And all I could think of was where we began.

The night was dark and crisp,
And I could feel that there was something in the air.
An electricity that rippled over my skin and left me burning;
A sensation that I didn't recognize, but one that I would come to love.
It lit a fire in my heart that ignited in me the desire to love you;
A blaze which burned with such intensity and such despondency that 
I dare not snuff it out.
I was naive enough to wonder as to whether it was love or lust,
But intuitive enough to know the difference.

And I wasn't sure until he put his hands on me.
It was then that I was certain, as soon as I felt the world around me 
melt away into nothingness,
A plethora of indistinguishable colors both dull and bright as they ran together.
It was in this world that I discovered myself,
Wrapped in the embrace of an individual who would prove otherworldly.
I spent what felt like years in the middle of a dream,
Swept up in a fantasy that my heart allowed my head to believe,
Although I'd always had my doubts.

But eventually, as all good things do, these colors faded,
And I was left in a blackness whose depths knew no end,
With nothing to do but wonder where I could have gone wrong.
And it all came down to this:
A final farewell betwixt two supposed lovers,
Where there would be naught but asperity left in their wake.

And still I waited,
In the hopes that there was something I could do.
I silently wished that there was something else.
Something lost between the lines,
Perhaps so infinitesimal that I had not yet caught it.
I would have searched your face, if I could see it still.
If only you would let me in.

How Do I Love You?

I asked you, “Do you love me?”
But you won’t look at me.
You said, “Why do you ask me this?
How can I make you see?”

I shrugged, defeated, and quite forlorn,
Prepared to hear the worst,
Until I felt you kiss my cheek
And all my fear dispersed.

“My love,” you say, then smile,
And look into my eyes.
“There are not words enough to say
how much you’ve changed my life.”

I smile, then, triumphant,
But dying to hear more,
“What do you mean?” I ask,
“What are you smiling for?”

You laugh at my naivety,
And I blush with much chagrin.
“My dear,” you coo, “my darling,
Where do I begin?

I love you in the morning,
I love you late at night.
I love you when we’re happy,
And when we’ve had a fight.

I love you when it’s cold outside,
I love to keep you warm.
I love you when the sun is near,
And I love you when it storms.

I love you when you’re next to me,
And when you’re far away.
I love you when you talk to me,
And when you don’t know what to say.

I love you when your hair’s a mess,
I love you when you sleep.
I love you when you smile,
And I love you when you weep.

I love you more than there are words,
More than the flower loves the rain,
And if you ask me every day,
My answer is the same.

So next time when you wonder,
Please don’t wander far.
My heart would break if I am kept
Too far from where you are.